Letting go of anything is not easy for anyone with a Type A personality, such as myself. Being a slight perfectionist, competitive, analytic thinker, has its pros and cons. Pros - I get shit done. Give me a project (at work or not at work) and I will get it done in a reasonably short amount of time. I create lists like its my job and love crossing things off, once those tasks are done. I don't procrastinate with getting things done and even think ahead as much as possible to reduce the amount of things I have to do in the coming days/weeks. The cons - I'm always moving at 100 mph, mentally. My mind moves too much and it's hard for me to truly relax. I'm pretty hard on myself and analyze things too much. I also don't like to give up on things. My expectations can be too high.
So where am I going with this? It's hard for me to deal with things when I put my mind to something and it doesn't work out. Case in point - potty training. I had a plan that once school was out, we were going to go full throttle with potty training. They've had exposure to sitting on the potty at preschool and at home a little bit and a few times Ellis has told me he pooped. They've been receptive to wearing underwear few times before. Plus, they are a few months over 3 years old, so since I would be out of school for the summer, I figured it was a good time to get the ball rolling. I read some books and articles on potty training and they seemed to show most signs that they were ready. Of course none of those books or articles talked about potty training two at the same time, but well, as I always thought - I don't know what it's like with "just one", so just like everything else that is new, it will be hectic at first, but it will work out in the end. So right away on Saturday, I thought we might as well start. I knew the sooner I started, the sooner it would get done. I anticipated a lot of accidents as they would start learning how to sense the urge to go, and not surprisingly there was. For a first day (with Troy gone at a golf outing), sure I was stressed a bit, but it wasn't horrible.
Sunday through this morning have been a bit of a roller coaster though. Some very good times and some times when we had accident after accident. The analyzer that I am tried to assess everything to see what I was doing wrong and try to fix it. Unfortunately if the things you are assessing are strong-willed little 3 year olds, there are no definite answers. Yesterday I was so proud in the morning when Logan went twice on the potty with no accidents. Ellis peed and pooped on the potty too. But after nap yesterday, it went all to hell. Accident after accident. No attempt to even move towards the potty when the stream started. I tried helping them get to the potty and there was resistance. I was at my wits end. I figured I would reassess after today. Well, this morning I had to head to school to drop off my laptop and since I had the boys with me, we stopped at a park on the way home. What also sucks about all this (although obviously expected) is that during this whole process you really should stay close to home since there is no telling when either one has to go to the bathroom. And with summer here now, all the boys want to do is play outside. Try keeping them at home, mainly in the house (I tried taking a potty outside with us Saturday but that was a no-go), in the summertime and you have two cranky boys! So, since they had a diaper on for the trip down to school, I took advantage and let them get some energy out. Once we got home, there was meltdown after meltdown. I always give them the option of diaper or underwear and every day so far they've said underwear. When we got home today, Ellis didn't want anything to do with it. Logan said he wanted to wear underwear but within 40 minutes he had 2 accidents, again with no attempt to get to the potty on time. He didn't even want me to take his wet underwear off. That was the last straw. I clearly am not going to force Ellis to put underwear on, and something just isn't clicking with Logan. Not yet anyways.
It was noon when I made the decision today, day 5 of potty training, to let it go for now. I read that while kids don't necessarily master potty training in 5 days, if they are truly ready, they will show quite a bit of progress in those 5 days. While I did see some progress, the frustration/anxiety I saw in Logan wasn't a good thing after all this time. And it was obviously some sort of sign when Ellis didn't even want me to take his diaper off today.
Here comes the over-analyzer in me: Am I giving up too soon? Should I only try to potty train one at a time? Is it bad that they are over 3 years old and still in diapers? Am I putting too much pressure on them? Are my expectations too high for only 5 days of training? I know kids can sense anxiety from others, but I really thought I was doing a good job staying calm during their accidents. I searched google quite a few times to look for different potty training tips/suggestions to try, but the only main thing that was consistent in everything I read is that every child is different. There is no right way to potty train and there is no time limit as to when kids need to be potty trained. We know that all kids will be potty trained when they are ready.
As much as I felt some major weight off my shoulders as I put a diaper on Logan, all I could think to myself was, damn I'm giving up - I felt defeated. I don't like to give up. But I also need to know that I can't control everything and I need to be okay with that. I think moms in general put too much pressure on themselves to do everything perfectly (or is it just me?). I often joke about being Type A, but this is one time that it is a slight curse. I have to be okay with the fact that I can't control everything. I can't blame myself for things that don't work out the way I expect them to work out. I can't worry about it when I hear about other people whose kids were potty trained by 2-2.5 years old. I will worry myself to death if I play the comparison game with everyone else's kids.
It took me a minute to come to grips with the choice, but I knew it was a good decision within an hour and the boys were just running around playing (not napping, like they should've been) and having fun. No more meltdowns (which later made me realize that they probably could sense some sort of anxiety in me earlier). I could play with them and run around with them without worrying that they weren't within eye sight of a potty. Once they fully rebelled against their nap, we went to the library and played around there. We came home, rode bikes, and played in the sandbox. This is what summer is about. Sure, maybe we will try in another month, but right now, we aren't ready. And I'm okay with that. Like I said in the last post, that "bucket list" isn't a must-do list. It's not meant to be a challenge to get everything checked off that list and I'm now finally okay with the fact that potty training won't be checked off right away. It will be -- some day.
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